Your day? Blog 112 Reflections of a dying man
It’s Sunday morning and the sun is streaming in on the back of my neck with welcome warmth bringing cheer to my heart. As I sit and contemplate on my sofa, I could read my book, finish my cup of tea and have an anti-biotic. Waiting to pass from this world is both exciting and tiresome. My partner needs to move on and for this I need to get it over and done with.
The part to cherish is the time to say goodbye, contemplate what may have been and laugh about how expensive it is to die in NZ.
‘Oh yes, I was going to die last week, but I couldn’t afford it.’
So now the funeral, music , AV ,celebrant, cremation, insurance papers , new will, power of enduring attorney, rent, utilities , credit card up to date and the list goes on. Then you clean up your computer and delete all those names you can’t remember or who have not written in at least 6 months so your partner can click the button and say , ‘He’s down the Shute now’. If I had the energy Rodney would like me to write a little booklet, “the beginners guide to dying’. There is so much to know and so little time to learn about.
There could be an entire chapter on memorial catering choices. When I was told that the club sandwich, scone and a cuppa cost $7.50, my face puckered with the thought of 400 people or more coming to this party send off. Hell my partner could use the money as a deposit on an Auckland house. However Ham o the bone with rolls to make your own and cheese and Hummus for the vegetarians sounds like an easy option. Ladies bring a plate and a cash bar will be available was the old adage.
Being an environmental sort of a chap, I couldn’t bring myself to burn all that lovely wood. We have had an open fire this winter burning off cuts of kiwi fruit cases and if it’s not dry it smokes like a bastard. I mentioned this to my funeral director, a gorgeous gal, and asked about recycled cardboard. ‘Peter, they are $950 each for cardboard.’
Well if you thought my face crimped like a hair iron with the price of a club sandwich, you would have thought I was paying for the Pope to say a few words. ‘I’m not paying for cardboard at that price even if it keeps an entire family in rice for a year.’
So we settled on a speedy cremation where only a hospice sheet bites the dust and I go down the Shute and am collected the next day in a box of my choice. Simple. No makeup, no hairdresser and no coffin costs, no pall bearers and now we can have the party where and when ever it suits as I’m in the box already with a bunch of flowers and a photo.
I don’t want anyone wearing black. Even if it is winter. Get our all the colour and fabulosity that befits a party. No dreary send off for this one.
However as the white pain sears any inspiration to ash as it permeates from a central point where they cut the cartilage of my ear out from an invasive cancer , I cannot help igniting an ember of imagination with a serious bit of reflection.
My colleagues tell me their children; now at university see our different context of our world. One wants to be a politician and another has a fully funded chemistry PHD. So, hope reigns in the light of global recession.
Blowing a little air on the embers of hope, means looking at life with a new paradigm.
Had I not been held hostage to my health and the hospital, I and my partner could live in a church in Southland with a manse, renovated into a one bedroom gorgeous place and the rest could be his studio as I write. We will explore the catkins and all places in the land of the Lord of the Rings. I’ve become good at growing a garden and although it is cold for a good part of the year, we’d be freehold for $79k.
Oh well, it is all reflections as last week I had a near miss when part of my liver infarct. Yes, sounds like a rude word, but part of it died from a blockage. Now that was pain. At least the ear pain will eventually subside and disappear as it heals.
However folks, I was nearly not here to write this blog. There is little to write about when you have gone to ground like animals to lick your wounds and recover.
I’m not sure how many more blogs there will be. So you, have an extraordinary day and be grateful for everything you have.
